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    April 03

    清明感怀

      “清明时节雨,纷纷路上行人,欲断魂”,三年前的现在,我正在为一个好友的亲属被癌症吞噬而唏嘘不已;三年后,再让我想起这段诗时,已是泪洒坟头。没有了清明雨,来了清明的艳阳天;有了清明假期,却没有了畅快的心情。我的母亲啊,你留给了我太多的伤感与思念。
    记得母亲在时,清明前她是最忙碌的,要为爷爷奶奶、外公外婆折N多纸钱,有一回母亲买回了五块便宜锡箔,打开一看全是带鱼粉做的,母亲当下十分懊恼。虽然懊恼,但事情还得继续下去,于是母亲趁中午休息,跑南禅寺请佛咒(草灯芯样的东西,据说佛咒能够使折的纸钱更值钱)。把折好的纸钱十分虔诚地分袋安装,我的任务就是负责在袋上写上祖辈的名字(签收人)。基础工作做好,就开始买青团,最早的时候,母亲总是烧三荤三素,后来,大概母亲感觉太麻烦,汤汤水水不好带,改革成了点心。父亲的任务就是研究怎么样可以在扫墓时点香、蜡烛不倒,尝试了很多次,终于想出了好主意,拿块泡沫,事先钻几个洞,这招倒也是管用的,一直沿袭到了现在。
      这些事情做完了,母亲开始联络外地的亲戚,看似简单,其实是最烦人的。要七八个亲戚同时有时间来扫墓也是不容易的事情,于是扫墓的时间会应着亲戚的工作繁忙往后一拖再拖,当然也不免会生些变故出来。去年清明,母亲的身体已经十分羸弱,但她还是操心着全家的扫墓,在她心中,祭祖是一件多么神圣而重要的事情。
      今年的清明一晃眼又到了,我和父亲沿袭着母亲的做法,记忆着母亲带着我们祭祖的习俗,折锡箔、请佛咒、买青团、点蜡烛,祭奠着我的祖辈和那个最爱我的人。往年的扫墓,我总感觉是一件乐事,满山会盛开着血色映山红,我总是要采来几捧放在祖辈的墓前,装点着灰色的墓地。今年的扫墓,我没有了那个心情,满世界失去了艳丽的色彩,只有沉重的灰色覆盖、包裹着我。
      风萧萧兮,吹乱了我的长发,登高处,我的母亲是否看到了我泪流不止,是否看到了你的儿女、你的外孙女在祭奠你、在想念你,是否看到我们和父亲的融洽生活,是否念着孙辈的学习长进。
      我亲爱的母亲,我想再看你一眼,我想跟你说一些心里的话,我希望哪怕只有一秒,只有0.1秒,……

    Comments (1)

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    vickie zhangwrote:
    人事有代谢,往来成古今。
    生者总是会不断地成为逝者。
    下一代不断成长,上一共不断地老朽,
    不断地死亡,这是生物的规律,自然的规律。
    人类社会就是这样一代一代地延续。
    你的心里话,母亲都知道。保重!
    Apr. 7

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